~未完成的~

回来国内已经不知不觉的两个月了。。。
这段时间里心里一直在挣扎着。。。
在把淑仪的骨灰移回后，将她遗留物全部整理一次..从中发现了自己的多年没写的日记本….在犹豫了一些时间后终于拿起笔在日记本里开始写下自己的心情。。

翻着翻着，突然见到她留下的一些笔记。。。
原来爱妻一直都有在日记中为自己的加油和鼓励。。。她的真情不知不觉的流入在我那不起眼的日记本里…
再翻开相簿往里头的照片看，回忆起那些曾经为你唱过，陪你听过的歌曲，一起欣赏日出日落花开花谢，和你携手经过陌生的湖泊看过的那场烟火
眼泪再也忍不住就象决提水坝的水一样。。。哭了一整晚。。

你是我今生未完成的歌, 唱不到结局却又难以割舍….我们的过去我们的点点滴滴…如今记忆在我心里每个角落…你是我每夜在未入睡前就有的梦 … 原来全都是寂寞
(T.T)

~Time to go??~

It’s almost 2 months since i stepped my foot on Malaysian ground, and moved back into my own house, living my live all alone….

Yet, for unknown reasons, i am unable to feel the satisfaction/joy of coming back to Malaysia. Please don’t get me wrong that it has something to do with my decision to let go of my PhD… please, I am very glad that I had let it go….I have no regrets about that….

Could it be the loneliness that had evidently and silently crept into the very depths of my heart be the cause of all these ill feelings that has been tormenting my thoughts over the weeks…..to the point that i had cried on occasions…..

I have seen people suffered in various conditions and environment, yet they still enjoyed their lives till the very last of their breadth…will I have the opportunity to live such indomitable live?

I have no intention of living a long live, only to be a burden to my family later….If I could choose, I would like to “go” when I have fulfilled what I have set out to do and achieve in my trip back home this time…..
(^^)